Nike's new app

This is the future we deserve.

Owners of the newly released $350 Nike app-connected Adapt BB self-tying shoes have taken to the Google Play store to complain that an update left their fancy kicks bricked. That's right, the self-lacing shoes reportedly no longer connect to the accompanying app — essentially transforming them into regular old shoes (buttons on the side of the shoes means you can still tie them). And people are pissed.

Here's how, according to a press release, the shoes are supposed to work: An internal "advanced power-lacing system" combines with an "app and continually updated firmware" to tie and untie your footwear. The app lets you choose your perfect fit, and the shoe adjusts to your foot's changing size as it theoretically swells throughout a basketball game. Again, that's how it's supposedto work.

SEE ALSO: Nike's app-connected 'custom shoe for everyone' doesn't come in women's sizing

Some customers using Android phones to pair their Adapt BB's encountered a slightly different reality, however.

"app wont pair with left shoe," reads one such review from Feb. 17. "paired with sneakers right after unboxing then completely crashed after last update."

Others encountered a similar problem.

"the app has less functionality than the iOS app, and the first software update for the shoe threw an error while updating, bricking the right shoe," reads another. "needs serious work."

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Not a good look. Credit: screenshot / google play

Needless to say, these customers are not stoked about shilling out all that cash for not fully functioning fancy future shoes.

"trash doesn't connect to the left [shoe]," read one of the many one-star reviews.

"same errors as others," bemoaned yet another customer. "cant connect to left shoe, but phone shows paired. chatted with Nike, lots of calls about this already. major fail Nike!"

We reached out to Nike for comment, but had yet to receive a response as of press time.

Ouch. Credit: screenshot / google play

Regardless, this was clearly not what Michael Donaghu, Nike’s VP of Innovation, had in mind when he penned a 700-plus word treatise on the shoelace throughout history.

"Shoelaces: you had a good run," he wrote. "But we think we may have finally bettered you."

Donaghu, it seems, got a little ahead of himself with that pronouncement. But hey, who could have ever foreseen the possibility that a needlessly complicated app-connected and battery-powered shoe might fail?

Now please excuse me while I lace up my decidedly not app-connected shoes and run as fast as I can away from this nightmare future we've brought upon ourselves.

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